I just didn’t think it would end with a whimper.
Today I turned in my resignation to the magazine formerly known as The Crafts Report, now Handmade Business.
It’s been a wonderful 8-and-a-half year run. (It would have been more than ten years, if I’d taken the gig when they first asked me, but I was working for another fine craft magazine at the time, that they felt was competition.) And I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to share my
incredibly disfunctional delightfully wacky sense of humor with thousands of people every month, for more than a hundred issues.
I knew the writing was on the wall when my column was cut back to every other month, then again, when I wasn’t given any deadline at all (they’d switched editors and my email requests weren’t getting through–something that happened with disturbing frquency during my time there.) (And no, that wasn’t my fault!)
I did one last series of four articles for them, on finding, telling and expanding our story to connect our work with others more effectively. The last one should appear in this next issue.
pathetic idiot dedicated writer that I am, I pitched one last column idea to them last night. And received the answer today: “Mmmmmmm……no.”
And so I’ve tendered my resignation, wished them well and moved on.
Okay, that last part? A huge lie. I collapsed in a puddle of self-pity and tears. The magazine seems to be headed on a fresh path with great energy, and I wanted to be a part of that.
They say one door closes and another opens. So far, only a query from a new online publication that wants how-to projects only, for no pay. Nope. I love tutorials as much as the next person, but writing them is not what I’m here on earth to do. (Not that I’m very clear today about what I am here for, and please don’t rub that in.) And even that came by way of a dear friend who knows I’m flailing.
You know what it’s like when it feels like the world doesn’t want your gifts? That’s how I’m feeling today.
And in the midst of this swirl of self-imposed demoralization, a small miracle happened here.
Someone posted a link to this incredible, exuberant, life-loving, robot-hugging truly free spirit, who only brightened our world for a heartbreakingly short time, Zina Nicole Lahr, a delightful woman who died so young, yet leaves a legacy that is simply, joyfully, inspirational.
And I am ashamed of myself.
I am embarrassed that I allow myself to take so much for granted. I’m mortified to act like the world owes me a living. I’m horrified I am not instead simply grateful for what I have–which is a lot.
Of course I want more. That’s human. But wanting is not doing. Nor is standing in a corner pouting because things aren’t going my way today.
It’s up to me to say my piece/peace to the world.
It’s up to me to bring my art into the world.
It’s up to me to create my purpose, my dream, and my journey, no matter what life throws me here and there.
And it’s up to me to embrace my happy thought. Zina’s amazing life reminds me that we are never too old for a challenge, for exuberance, for a sense of wonder.
Wherever you are today, whatever you’re doing, take a moment to think about what good work you brought into the world today.
And know in your heart that the world is truly a better place for it.