So I’m wearing a sporty piece of wrist gear these days…
In a neutral, tan color, just like my new palette for 2016!
I’ve read about wearing them. I always thought snapping the rubberband was sort of negative feedback when you indulged in a habit you wanted to eliminate . A little smack on the wrist for ‘my bad’.
Turns out it doesn’t work that way. It’s just a way to bring your attention to what’s happening, to take notice of what you’re doing, or experiencing.
In my case, it’s when I diminish myself. When someone compliments me (“Love your hair color!”), I always say, “thank you!”. And then, “Obviously, I owe it all to modern chemicals!”
It’s an unusual color not normally found in nature. But why do I feel I have to apologize for that?
Self-deprecation. I excel at it.
Unfortunately, while modesty can be an admirable trait, I tend to carry it into the dark side. As one online dictionary puts it, “Being self-deprecating is usually considered a good trait, a quality of someone with a wry sense of humor. When being self-deprecating goes too far, it can become self-loathing and self-sabotaging, which are less amusing forms of putting yourself down….” And I’ve turned ‘taking it too far’ into a life practice.
As I said in my mission statement for 2016 I learned early in life not to get too full of myself. Either those around me let me know I was out of line, or the universe seemed to smack me down a bit. I learned that every expansion of my spirit, my confidence, my expertise, was quickly met with a contraction. Eventually, I could do it myself, perfectly, without a second thought.
The habit remains. But it doesn’t serve me anymore, if it ever did.
It was my friend Sheri Gaynor who saw this, and challenged me. “You say something amazing, and then you put yourself down. You don’t even see who you truly are, what you are already capable of. Why is ‘being full of yourself’ a bad thing?! Full of….yourself. Your true, unique, authentic self. Isn’t that a good thing??”
And so the ubiquitious rubberband.
It’s hard. It’s hard to say, “I can do this!” without “maybe” following. It’s seems too much to say “I want this for myself” without “But I’m not sure I can handle it” tumbling out.
I still find it hard to say, no more, I’m done with that. I was going to say, “I sure hope I can make this change.”
A little snap of that rubberband helps a lot. I don’t need to do anything other than notice what I’m doing. But that’s enough. Just seeing how often I do that to myself–and how often I let others do it to me–is appalling.
I was always stymied by people who challenge me with, “Who do you think you are?!”
Now I can respond, “Who do I have to be?”
The better answer is, “Do you believe I need your approval to have my point of view?” And depending on your answer, we may or may not see much of each other anymore.
As Rabbit says, “I may be a fearful creature. But I have a place in the world.”
So much wisdom, from a fellow traveller, and from a lowly rubberband…..