It takes time, but somewhere down the road, there’s a powerful story in our darkest hours.
We attended a gathering this weekend. Good food, great people, and beautiful scenery. That’s where the idea for this week’s article comes from.
I was talking with a younger person there, who’s right smack in the middle of a difficult life stage. I listened to their woes, which, to be fair, they put a good spin on. In other words, they weren’t whining, but they were definitely struggling, in a situation all too familiar to me.
Without loading them with too much advice, I mostly told them they were doing it right. They had the right attitude, they were seeking the help they needed, and they knew they were fortunate in so many ways, they hated to complain about the exhausting situation they found themselves in.
I gave them two pieces of advice. Or rather, insights.
One, I told them that people who have been through the same thing, will understand. And those who haven’t, won’t. I said, “Seek out the first group, and just ignore the second.”
Two, I told her this, too, will pass. It’s hard, and it’s hard to make it easier. But in the end, they will be okay. And when they get through it, they will be able to see the gifts and blessings along the way.
I get that when we’re in the middle of a big muddle, it can feel like there’s no way out. No solution, no quick fix, no “magic mushrooms” to make it right. It can be hard to have hope.
When I look back at some of the hardest times in my life, I can see something of value there.
I can see the goods things that came out of it. I can appreciate the people I met along the way, people who often had exactly what I needed to get through one day.
I can see the hard-won lessons that proved so valuable later in life. I can see the blessings, the gifts, the jaw-dropping miracles that not only helped me get through, but formed me into the person I am today.
“You can’t see it when you’re in the middle of it, and that’s okay,” I told them. “Because right now, it just sucks. So take exquisite care of yourself every chance you get.”
“But years from now, there will be something beautiful here, something that will encourage you, inspire you, help you find your way. This will change you, and some of those changes will be powerful. You will find yourself in a place you never even dreamed of, yet.”
“It will always be part of your story, and YOU will get to decide how to tell it.”
No one would ever choose to be in that hard place. It will simply find us, no matter who we are, no matter what we do. We are going to have very, very hard times in our lives.
And not everything has a happy ending.
But there will be gifts, if we chose to look for them.
The trick is in how we tell our story.
In a slump with our artwork? Uninspired? Tired of the same ol’ same ol’? Someday, we’ll look back and see the wall we hit—and how it led us to an exciting new body of work.
Didn’t get into art school? Maybe the wild and crazy path you DID take, is what makes your art so powerful today.
Didn’t get into that gallery? Or exhibition? Or that top-notch show? Rejection feels like failure. But failures have a way of making us dig deep for our art. We can crumple up and walk away, leaving our creative work behind. Or maybe we realize someone else’s “no” can be our next “maybe”. Maybe I’ll try another gallery in the next town over. Maybe I can simply apply for more exhibitions, hoping I’ll get into just one.
Or maybe I realize that no one can keep me from my studio, and it’s time for me to get back to work.
It can be hard to be Pollyanna in the middle of despair. And yet…
What if we actively thought of ourselves as the hero of our own story?
What if the challenges we face, force us to rise to meet them?
What if that difficult person in our workplace finally inspires us to find another job, a better one, too?
What if our loneliness when things get hard, creates compassion in our hearts for others in the same boat?
What if physical setbacks force us to choose another path, one that has its own rewards? (I’ve met TWO potters this month who had to find another form of creating when their bodies couldn’t take the “weight” any longer.)
What if lack of sales, fame, and stardom as an artist, actually encourages us to focus more on the “why” of our creative work? Helps us pay attention to the joy we get from making our art?
What if all we really need to get through this day, today, is a six-minute film to bring us nearly to tears, filled with awe of the beauty of this perfect day?
Last week, I read an old journal from our last two months in Keene, NH, just before we sold our house and 80% of our possessions to move across the country.
I’d made note of some difficult times, people, and situations. But I was surprised at how little of them I actually remembered! I would read, “I hate Doris!” and think, “Who the heck is Doris?!”
When we were in the middle of that move, all I could see was total chaos.
But as I look back, I see what a powerful experience it really was, on many fronts.
The things I loved so much, it felt impossible to leave them behind—only to find out they were in much worse shape than I’d realized, and couldn’t go anywhere except the dump. (My cheetah-patterned sofa!)
The person who gave me a hard time, and now I can’t even remember who it was, nor what it was about. (As I deal with difficult people here in CA, I’m reminded there are difficult people EVERYWHERE.)
The people who didn’t show up to help (“I’m not going to do one thing to help you leave, because I want you to stay!”) and the amazing gift of the people who DID show up, every day, for weeks.
The fear that I would lose my audience in NH (which DID fall off for awhile), and yet realizing how quickly I could start growing a new audience here.
The people who were upset by our choice to move, until I shared with them our own “hero’s journey” that led us to that decision. (Hallelujah, they came around!)
Now, sometimes we just need to gritch. I get it. I love to gritch, too. It feels good to get a good whine in (with a glass of wine, too!) And it can be cathartic to blow off steam with a good friend who’s willing to listen.
But in the end, I choose to see the miracles, the gifts large and small, the Angels In Odd Places I find in almost every step along the way.
So the next time you get slapped in the face with a big ol’ whipping cream pie of rejection, or lack of sales, or whatever, take note. My bears’ story: “Be strong when things get hard. Listen more. Think slow. Love deep.”
I process things by writing, but you may have another process. Maybe painting your heart out, or creating a song, or poem, or prayer. Maybe do something kind for someone even worse off than you. Perhaps a chance to simply blort with a loving partner, or a really good friend who is truly there for you.
Whatever works for you, embrace it.
Be the hero of your own story.
Tell the story only you can tell.
Because your story might just inspire someone else to be a hero.
Do you have an example of a setback that proved to be a power booster for you? Share it here! It may be just what someone else needs to hear today!
And if someone shared this with YOU, and you like what you see, sign up for more articles at my blog here.
3 thoughts on “BE THE HERO IN YOUR OWN STORY: Framing Is Everything!”
Another perfect timing post – I so needed to be reminded that in the depths of tough moments are gems of experience that only shine later. Upstairs in my bedroom are a group of three of your bears I gave to my mother years ago as she was dying. I had forgotten the wise words they have to share: “Be strong when things get hard. Listen more. Think slow. Love deep.” Thank you.
Alison, your first sentence was beautiful, and your next ones took my breath away! I’m so grateful you shared your thoughts, you’ve made my day!
Although it’s not the main focus of your piece, I focused on how difficult it can be to get your work done when you’re in that hard place. I’m in one right now, and my one piece of advice to anyone else who finds themselves there is this: don’t be afraid to do work that is derivative for awhile. Preferably derivative of your *own* work! Even if you feel like you’re just going through the motions, you are at least GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS…which is better than NOT going through the motions!
Btw, I’m getting some pretty nice pieces done, even if there isn’t anything innovative and unique about them! 😀