I’m struggling to finish my last custom order from my big big retail show in August.
On the surface, it wasn’t a difficult order. The customer, new to my work, fell in love with my aesthetic. She asked me to create a necklace featuring a treasured natural artifact.
We discussed colors, style and price range. I took all her contact info. I promised to have it done within a month, at the most six weeks.
It’s been a heckuva lot longer than that.
I’ve had a difficult fall–a death in the family, new injuries, not a few distractions. Enough to bump things like this custom order a little further down the priority list each week.
Fortunately, I must have sensed the potential for trouble, so I didn’t take my normal deposit for the work. At least I haven’t taken money for work I haven’t done (though I do have her precious artifact in my care.)
And fortunately, I’ve found my creative jones again. I’m slowly envisioning what this piece could look like, and I’m halfway through the design process. I’m hoping that free express shipping, and a healthy discount on the quoted price will help offset the customer’s frustration on my lateness.
But I’m struggling with the why. Why do custom orders so often throw me for a loop? Why do they seem so difficult?
I’ve written about possible pitfalls with custom orders (the Design Diva scenario, for example.)
I know the drill on how to make sure custom orders go smoothly: Decide if you’ll charge for the actual design process. Get as much input from the customer as possible (size, price, color, etc.) Get a deposit upfront (to ensure the customer is committed.) Get them to sign off on the design stages, even sending images, if possible, of the work in progress. And get everything in writing.
And I’ve enjoyed success with most of my custom orders. Customers seem to be thrilled with the finished products, and often come back for more.
But there are still sticking points. Today, in the wee hours of the morning, I woke up with a better understanding of what those are, and why I struggle with them.
When a customer falls in love with a piece I’ve already made–at a show, in my studio, in my new Etsy shop–that emotional connection is palpable. And immediate.
They see it, they react to it, they buy it–and they’re happy. Instantly.
There is that astonished moment of recognition–”This is the one!”–a moment that is the culmination of my creative process. I made something I think is beautiful, and someone else agrees. They trade their hard-earned money for my time, my energy, and my vision. The transaction is complete.
I love that moment.
With a custom order, we both get partway there. But then that final moment is postponed. It becomes nebulous.
I go back to my studio after the show. There’s usually a significant amount of downtime. I have to recuperate, physically and emotionally, from the stress of doing the show. There is inventory to be put away, booth paraphernalia to be stowed, paperwork to be completed, sales to be recorded and deposited.
The excitement of the show dissipates. The memory of the actual encounter fades. (I’m getting older, after all!)
I can’t read my own notes on the transaction, or I don’t understand what my sales assistant meant by her notes.
The desire to make that customer happy is still overwhelming. But
the energy has faded, the details have become hazy.
Doubt and second-guessing sets in.
She said blue. But which blue? Sky? Turquoise? Baby? Cobalt? Copen? Capri? (Yes, I have all of these blues in my stash.)
She said handmade ivory beads, but not too big. What does that mean??
She said she didn’t care, she trusted my judgment. But the seeds of self-doubt have been sown. I don’t trust my judgment anymore.
I’ve become paralyzed trying to anticipate the desires of a customer who’s no longer in front of me, and whose heart is not known to me. (Geez, I struggle making things for people I’ve known intimately for years….)
I’ve moved the center of my creative energy from pleasing myself, to pleasing someone else.
I care deeply about being successful, yet I begin to question every design decision.
It’s not the customer’s fault. It’s just the nature of the process, for me. I struggle with this particular dynamic.
I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but I sometimes wonder if God felt this way when he created Eve. “Hmmmm, yes, I’ll make him a companion, sort of like what I did with him but a little different. Dum de dum de dum de dum da….. Wow, that’s pretty good! Very nice. VERY nice. Wait….what if he doesn’t like brunettes????”
One thing I know for sure: I have to figure this out.
If I move into making bigger fiber wall hangings, if I hope to work with interior decorators or do commissions for public works, I’m going to have to get over this hurdle. Because these will all be “custom orders” in a sense–site-specific, made-to-order, the whole shebang. And the bigger the work, the more money involved. And, I assume, the bigger the risk of not pleasing the customer.
I realize it is this fear, this huge issue of self-doubt, that is holding me back from that next big step in my professional art career.
So how do I get past this?
It may simply be a process of learning to trust myself, completely, with full heart and steady resolve.
After, my customers did.
And maybe once again, my life situation and my art are closely intertwined. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, just as I’m realizing my next step in my martial arts practice, a log jam in my creative process is slowing breaking up.
All I ask is, I wish it would hurry up.