I DIVORCE THEE Part Deux

Continuing the saga of the impromptu floor refinishing project from my previous post, “I DIVORCE THEE, I DIVORCE THEE”….

We are finished with the second coat of polyurethane. I got home from Tae Kwon Do after 9 p.m. last night to find Jon on his hands and knees, sanding diligently and alone. The kids had declared mutiny (actually, they both declared “homework!”) and retired.

I changed out of my uniform and helped him finish the sanding, the buffing and the last coat.

Today we crept downstairs as eager as Christmas Day. What would it look like?

Alas. Alack. The floors don’t look that good. In fact, they look pretty bad.

I read the can again and called the company. They brightly suggested we could wait for the requisite three days to dry, and either a) do another coat and wait 2-3 weeks to replace the furniture. Or b) wait another month for these coats to completely cure, remove the furniture again, and add a different treatment, and allow that coat 3 days to dry..

NO, and NO. Not. An. Option.

I returned the extra gallon of finish and the other stuff we didn’t use to Home Depot. “Someone refinished their floors!” exclaimed the sales clerk cheerfully.

“Yes, and we’re not that happy with the results,” I said glumly.

“Oh, yes, it’s hard to get a good finish with polyurethane!” she chirped. “I always say, there’s nothing like a tung oil finish! You may have to reapply it more often, but it comes out looking nicer!” (I refrained from asking her, “Why are you telling us this AFTER we’ve spent the last four days in house project hell?”)

“You don’t understand, “I replied. “NONE of you understand. We are never doing this again.”

We are NEVER doing this again.

Our new plan is, sell the house before the floors “have to” be refinished again.

Tonight we’ll do a light sanding and wipe up with the tack clothes. It actually looked pretty nice last night when we did that–a soft, matte gleam.

And it will be good enough.

The final blessing on the project: I went to the state liquor store and bought a ton of booze. A whole lotta booze–Jon’s favorites, my favorites.

And when I got to the cash register, the clerk there said, “Hey, you spent more than $120–you get a free $20 gift card for your next purchase!”

Now, there’s a clerk I can love.

Hey, come by our place tonight! Buff a little, drink a lot, and help us celebrate yet another Udell survival of a home do-it-yourself project.

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7 Comments

Filed under funny, humor, refinish floors

7 responses to “I DIVORCE THEE Part Deux

  1. Oh Luann, I feel for you!

    There are some home improvements best left to the professionals. I’ve always been convinced wood floors are a prime example.

    Although those pre-finished floors don’t look so hard to install, and I could really use a new living room floor… someone save me!

    Barbara J Carter
    http://www.barbarajcarter.com

  2. I have one word to say to you “wall-to-wall-carpeting”.

    Enjoy the new floors and don’t go too crazy the first time someone scratches them.

  3. mark rosenbaum

    Just keep drinking and you’ll never notice!!! ;^)))

  4. i loved reading this- I was just today in my bathroom thinking– “gee- maybe I can tear off the decoupaged shopping bags off myself and then create Tuscany inspired walls myself…i mean- what do i need- a sanding machine, yes, i have one– and energy”…but you know what? I just don’t want to do this project! reading this post reminded me why! (the person who lived here before us decorated the guest bathroom with cut up shopping bags– it’s time to get rid of the bags…but decoupage? Who decoupages their WALLS?)…next stop- the yellow pages :)
    eBeth

  5. If I have saved just one person from house project hell, then my suffering will not have been in vain….

    You know, with all the furniture back in the room, covering up the goofy bits, it doesn’t look half bad.

    Except now the walls look scruffy…..Hmmmmmmmm.

    STOP US BEFORE WE REFURBISH AGAIN!!!

  6. I thought you were going to say that the liquor store clerk could tell you’d been involved in a home improvement project by how much liquor you bought: “Hey, you spent more than $120! You must have just refinished your floors!”

  7. You know, Melissa, I actually thought that when the clerk first said that!

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